Moving

So I moved back home from KS back into my parents house. I couldn't take only working home health part time so I started applying all over the east coast area looking for a job in a hospital ICU. I applied for at least 50 positions. Thankfully I started getting some calls and then Greenville, NC flew me out for an interview. I loved it there and am now going to be starting a a Neuro IU (step down ICU) on July 6th. So now that you are all caught up here is the point of this blog: I have no idea where to start with the packing or the dealing with emotions caused by moving halfway across the country.
For packing it's all about finding out what I have, where it was put and then what is mine, my parents, or my brothers. Then I have to figure out what I want to take with me, how much I can continue to leave here, and how to pack up everything that I want to take with me. I'm taking all of my books, movies, and knitting things. I'm going to be moving for like 3-5 years. That is a long time so I can't just leave most of my stuff at my parents like I was doing when I was traveling. It's just crazy the amount of stuff I have without actually having any real furniture. I have a table, 4 chairs, a bookshelf, and a coffee table. So I also have to start figuring out what kind of furniture I want to buy once I get down there. I'm not sure what my tastes are. Guess I'll find out... But for now I'm working at the packing by going through the things that I find and figuring out A. what I down, B. what I need, and C. what I need to get rid of.
As for the emotions. I'm a cross between scared shitless, super excited, and way sad. I want to do this but I know it is going to be for at least 2 years, if not more. I'm planing on 3-5 and that does not include if I happen to find the love of my life down there. I'm kinda hoping I do find him soon. This always being the 3rd wheel and the only single one is getting really old. I think that is part of the reason I'm not entirely happy in MN. No one I know wants to change their routine and come out with me while I try and meet new people but at the same time they don't want to give up their time with me. So I feel torn between spending time with my friends and actively going out into the world to try and meet new people. It's a very hard thing. And also when I do try new things I sometimes judging looks and remarks from my friends. Like I shouldn't want more then I already have. Most think that just because I have a good career that I love I shouldn't be so determined to find more. I turn 25 tomorrow and I don't have nearly enough checked off on my life to do list. I'm not dating, let alone married, no children, my career is taking a major turn that I had in no way expected or planed for, I'm not back in grad school yet, I don't have a house. I feel very behind in what I wanted from life so I think the move is a way for me to try and kick start it. I will have to get out there and start hanging out with new people (hopefully finding some nice, single people who understand what I'm going through), applying for grad school. The only thing that I can't see myself doing is buying a house because at this point I'm not sure I want this move to be permanent. I want to make NC my home for a few years but I'm not sure I'm ready to say that I'm probably not coming back. I hope to finish my masters and then move back to MN to practice as an NP. But who knows. I just know that at this point I'm really not ready to face the reality that this could be the start down a road away from home that doesn't loop back around to end there. I'm really not sure where this road is going to lead me. I'm a plan person. I like to have a plan for everything and this is not in the plan. I've been modifying the plan to include this but it also adds turn and twists the road and I can't see beyond them. I've even put some thought into just going down there, still going to grad school, but other than that not having a plan. Leaving my need to plan out my life weeks to months in advance up here. See where I go when I'm carefree. Spend a little time on my version of the wild side. (Which to most will seem like normal living). I was never very wild in college. Still thinking everything out and how it would affect my future and I think I need to let that go for at least a couple of months. Let the future take care of itself and spend some time in the present. I may not meet Mr. Right down there but I'm hoping to meet Mr. Right Now. Just someone to at least spend some time with. I've had the song Wild at Heart by Gloriana stuck in my head with the need to listen to it over and over. It just makes me believe that although I am no longer young I can still "free fall for a while". To quote my favorite part of the song "He kissed her, she said mister take an inch and I'll give you a mile. I ain't here to do anything half way, don't give a damn what anyone might say, I just want to free fall for a while"
Anyway that is what has been going around in circles in my head for a while now (about two weeks. My life was turned on it's ear in about 48 hours) and I needed to get it out. I'm scared because for once I don't have the future set in stone, the plan crumbled around me and I managed to pick it back up and kinda put the pieces together again but they don't quite fit like they used to and some don't fit at all. I think this is just life's way of teaching me that I can't control everything and sometimes I need to learn to go with the flow. God has a plan for me and He is pushing me down that path now. I just need to free fall for a while and go with the flow. I just have to believe that it will all work out in the end.