Boy Rant

I'm so frustrated. I can't seem to figure out what is wrong with me. Is there no single straight guy out there that just wants to be my friend? Someone who I can be myself around that I don't have to worry about whether or not I'm flirting with him and giving him the wrong impression or leading him on? I thought I had that with a fellow traveler and I found out last night that he wants to ask me out but doesn't date while he's on travel assignments. I cannot remember the last guy who I was just friends with and didn't want to date me at some point that I didn't meet already after he was married or in a committed long term relationship. It's the most frustrating thing. I feel like I'm stuck in "When Harry met Sally" where they are arguing about how men and women cannot just be friends. Is this true? I'm beginning to loose hope. I just don't get it. I'm just like every other girl out there. There is nothing that special about me that should be causing me this problem. I'm not that pretty, I'm not that interesting, I'm just one of millions of the same kind of girl.

And then I also have the opposite problem. No guy actually asks me out. I have the single guy friends that want to date me but don't actually have the balls to ask me out. (And I don't date guys that lack balls. If you can't stand up to me get the hell out of my way). Case in point, I just had a guy send me $100 worth of roses and candy as my secret admirer at work. Really sweet and cute, right? Texts me and asks me if I liked the flowers, I say yes and then nothing. Then fucking 4 hours later he asks what I'm doing, I say watching a movie and getting sleepy and ask what he is doing and get nothing. I don't understand this. Who sends someone flowers and then still doesn't have the guts to ask them out on a date? I just don't understand men. They make no sense.

And don't get me wrong, I can understand how I could intimidate some poor guy. I'm super motivated. I'm going to have my Doctorate of Nurse Practitioner by the time I'm 35 (30 if I get my way), I'm head strong, stubborn, and tend not to care what anyone thinks of me. I'm not that confident but can fake it like no body's business if I feel like it. If I know what I want I go and get it. I make a decent amount of money for someone of my age and carry a lot of emotional baggage that I'm working through. But I mean, come on. I should be able to have a single, straight, guy friend without having to worrying about if I'm giving him the wrong impression and how I might be messing with his feelings. And there should be a motivated guy out there with the balls to ask me out. Maybe I just need to stick to making friends with gay men. That way I won't find out halfway into the friendship that the guy is just trying to find a way to ask me out or would under different circumstances.

I hate this shit, and it pisses me off to no end. And so in ends the rant.

Fingerless Gloves

So I'm making my first pair of fingerless gloves. They are purple and really cute, and I've been thinking to myself "what am I going to do with them?". And then it occurs to me: Driving gloves! I've lived most of my life in Minnesota and steering wheels get cold. And sometimes I don't really want to wear my mittens that I have. So I figure that I can keep my fingerless gloves in the car and then use them as driving gloves. :)

I'm really not sure why I'm making fingerless gloves other then the fact that I'm scared to try my first sweater and am looking for projects to help build confidence in my knitting. So I thought: mittens, but then didn't have the yarn I would need, and I had this yarn that I needed to use because I've had it for almost a year now. So I used this nice light weight purple yarn to make fingerless gloves. Plus one of my friends made the comment that the coolest thing one of her friends knit was a pair of fingerless gloves. So that also made me want to try it. Then after the first glove was done I realized that I'm not punk enough to pull the gloves off in everyday wear. So I had to find some use for them. And so the idea of driving gloves was born.

On a more random note (that most of my friends will find surprising): I really like Rob Zombie's song "Living Dead Girl" and some of NIN music.